It always starts off as just a phase. Something to grow out of. But rather than growing out of it, it grows on you. It seems to take on a life of its own. Before long, you are consumed. You must feed the monster, every minute of every day, lest the monster turn and devour you.
This is what it is to have an obsession.
Free yourself from the pain. Give in to the monster. She's a pretty beast.